Over the years, I’ve had friends who have suffered.
Some have had miscarriages. Others have lost loved ones. Some have had health challenges and some have had children pass away.
Over the years, my family and I have suffered, as well. There was the six month period when our 11-year-old was under investigation following a ski accident. And then there was the discovery of cancer and the reality of living with adverse genetics
If there is one thing I know, it’s that hard times happen and they happen to all of us.
If we are lucky, most of the time we feel blessed. Our lives progress as if charmed. Our children grow, healthy and strong. Our parents remain vigorous. We enjoy the days as they pass, aware of only minor irritations.
But sometimes we suffer.
When You’re Suffering
To suffer means “to undergo, be subjected to, or endure pain, distress, injury, loss or anything unpleasant.”
And try as we might, we can’t avoid suffering completely. It’s part of life.
This chart shows that while we may think we are suffering, our ancestors apparently suffered more (or at least talked about it a lot!)
What we can do however is mitigate the suffering, and experience the pain without letting it overwhelm us.
While I’m no expert, over the past two years I’ve worked with experts, as well as done a lot of reading and thinking about suffering.
Here’s what I’ve learned about overcoming suffering and getting through hard times. I hope it is of value to you today or in the future.
Have an Affair With Your Senses
Senses. We’ve got at least five (and some say up to 33).
Our senses help us make sense of the world and focusing on actually experiencing our senses can bring some needed equilibrium during times of stress.
When I feel anxious, I’ve been taught to stop and truly see five things.
Then I truly notice and touch four things. Next I listen for three things and then smell two things. If I’m eating or drinking at the time, I try to truly taste as well.
It doesn’t matter in what order you do these or the number that you assign each sense. The important thing is to focus on sensing the world around you and experiencing the moment.
Anxiety and suffering often arise when we project too far into the future, giving wing to our fears. Bringing your focus back to seeing the mountains around you or listening to a bird call can help keep you centered.
It’s like staying focused when skiing. Which is why I believe skiing is so good for all of us.
Use Your Good Mother Voice With Yourself
You’re a good parent, I know you are.
While we all have parenting moments we’d take back and Mulligan if only we could, most of us know what to say and do when our children are hurting.
When you’re hurting, think about what you’d say to your kids or a friend in need. Write these kind words down and say them to yourself. Be your own good, loving mother.
You wouldn’t berate or ignore your children in a time of suffering. Don’t berate yourself or ignore your feelings.
Through the years, I’ve been privileged to meet many, many amazing (ski) moms!
Breathe
Freaking out? Breathe slowly and deeply. While many of us know this, I find it hard to remember. And I rarely remember to do it when things are really rough.
Since my attention span is short and I tend to multitask, a better approach for me is to build opportunities into my day for deep breathing, mindfulness and meditation.
Some mornings, I wake up and give thanks for five people in my life. Based on a suggestion from these two very easy to read and super helpful books (Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress Free Living and Mayo Clinic Handbook for Happiness), I visualize important-to-me people and think joyously about each of them.
Other days, I practice yoga at home or in a class. I’ve also tried guided meditation, using the 21 Day Meditation experience from Deepak Chopra and Oprah. A new series is available free every quarter.
Other suggestions I’ve seen include doing household tasks such as the dishes or pumping air into your bike tires with total concentration on the task at hand.
Now that’s positive multitasking.
Take Action
The world can be overwhelming with lots of upsetting events and news. For most of 2016, I upheld a news blackout. It was liberating and settling. I loved it.
Then came 2017 and I decided that it would be irresponsible of me to keep my head in the sand. This doesn’t mean I obsess about the news. It does mean that for issues important to me and my family, such as fair medical coverage for those with preexisting conditions, I make calls and write letters. The alternative was to panic and project my dark thoughts and fears into the future.
Acting within my ability is much healthier and alleviates feelings of powerlessness. Taking action helps me get through hard times.
As a skier, climate change can also get me going. On this issue, I’ve gone one step further and joined a steering committee for a ski industry group committing to making a change. I hope to be writing more about this effort in the future.
Other steps I take to alleviate stress, anxiety and suffering include eating as healthily and clean as I can (I try to use the suggestions and food pyramid found in the Mayo Clinic Diet), exercising outside every day and getting as much sleep as possible.
Get Outside
Ultimately, I’ve found going outside to be the most therapeutic action of all.
Spending time in nature, whether skiing all day (obviously my favorite), riding a bike, going for a walk or simply sitting in the shade and using my senses, can be calming, centering and humbling.
I think it’s the best therapy of all.
It doesn’t matter how you get outside. Just do it.
Book Giveaway
I reference three fantastic books in this post and it is my privilege to give one of them away to a reader.
This is a winner’s choice giveaway.
One winner will be chosen in a random drawing on June 26. The winner will receive their choice of the Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress Free Living, the Mayo Clinic Handbook for Happiness or the Mayo Clinic Diet.
To enter, please leave a comment about anything, but I am interested in learning what helps you through times of stress and suffering.
For a second entry, please follow me on Instagram.
As you may know, I am a Mayo Clinic patient and it’s fair to say I’ve drunk the Kool Aid.
Mayo Clinic has nothing to do with this giveaway. This is an opportunity for me to pass on their wisdom and knowledge in a small way.
Good luck!
This post contains affiliate links. If you do wish to purchase one of these books, please visit the Amazon links in this post.
This giveaway is closed. Congratulations to Doug!
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thanks for your post, Kristen. When anxiety gets the best of me, sometimes I will listen to The Meditation Podcast, I like the first 12 episodes the best, or Tara Brach.
Thank you SO MUCH for the suggestion! I will check it out. Cheers!
Thanks so much for this – lots of really helpful resources. I love the idea of stopping and seeing 5 things, touching 4, listening to 3 touching 2 and tasting 1. What a great way to reconnect with your body and the moment. For me, I find that taking time off and giving myself a set amount of time to “check-out” (say, an hour or two) often is all I need to get the energy back to step up and do what I need to do.
Another great suggestion. I have to discipline myself (a lot) to step out. Very hard for me, but I’m going to try for 30 minutes today. We have a new puppy. When he naps, I’m checking out. Thank you!
Your blog today is a great tutorial, Kristen! Many thanks for ideas that can serve each of us. The deep breathing is so helpful, easy to forget and totally doable in any situation or environment. Doing something with my hands, whether crafting or embroidering are helpful to me when I feel stressed. I have to concentrate and let go of my stressors. Verbalizing my stress to a trusted friend for another perspective works for me also.
I like the idea of working with hands — it’s a means of forced concentration and focus! And yes, talking can really help too. I need to come sew with you again (when things calm down with Jasper). I was making a slipcover for an outdoor table yesterday — replacing one I easily made 3 years ago. Totally forgot how to cut with the rotary blade! Thanks!
Very clear, specific and helpful. I’ll share it with those in pain.
Thanks, Kristen.
jules
Thanks Jules! These can be trying times…
Boy, it’s amazing sometimes, when you’re feeling particularly down and out, where strength and a bit of clarity comes from. Kristen, this is the second time this happened now, from within your family. I don’t know if Jamie told you, of chance meeting with him, in the Safeway parking lot, a month or so ago. He made me feel so good, and he was so truly kind and caring. I think we ended up talking for 15-20 minutes, and finished it with big man hug! Then, I read your blog, and it has happened again. I think this so awesome, and speaks volumes of what kind of people you both are. Thank you, and love hank Jamie for me as well.
Oops! Thank Jamie.
Doug, thank you for sharing this. I feel the same way. What we need comes through, sometimes in the most unlikely places. We just have to be open to energy! Hope to see you soon. Best to your family!
This was just what I needed to read today…thank you. It’s been a super “stressful” time of life (again) and the reminders of how important it is to be taking care of ourselves daily are what ultimately save us. Following your journey has been an inspiration, Kristen.
It’s been hard for me to accept that stress is always lurking. I unrealistically assume that I can have a stress free day. Nope. Never happens! Thanks for your reminder today to take care of ourselves every day. I often forget.